Shake, rattle and roll, a repost…

This is a repost, but since bipolar disorder is a cyclical disease, it is still relevant: Enjoy, and please comment…. Deuces!

It has been some time since I attempted to write something, allowing you the reader to see the meanderings of my soul. I don’t even feel confident enough to try writing a poem, but needed to get words down on the page, so here goes:

Shake, Rattle and Roll

It is 5:30 a.m.

The twilight dawn.

I awoke with a start, like every morning.

The usual lavatory call, then to make coffee.

I don’t know why I wake up with such urgency.

After months of being depressed, cured by fourteen treatments of ECT.

Sometimes it is such a hassle, having a mental illness.

The constant explaining…

Yes, I have to get regular sleep.

Yes, I have to eat right.

Yes, I have to take my medications regularly.

No, I cannot overextend myself.

No, I cannot be out in public much.

No, I cannot be like everyone else.

It is important to verbalize to my supports

exactly what is happening.

This is difficult when one cannot string together a simple sentance.

Everyone wants me to succeed, but

I am just as afraid of success as I am failure,

so I strive for mediocrity.

Just good enough.

When I get to this stage,

I simply vibrate.

I cannot sit still. My body

is in constant motion. The shake,

the rattle, the roll.

There are few things that can settle my mind,

much less my body.

From the moment I wake up, my

brain works overtime, and

it spills over to the physical world.

I am in constant motion.

I hover over my canvases,

conjuring the demons, pulling

spirits from the air, setting

them down on the white space, or

jotting my scribbles down on paper.

I would rather be physically detained than

chemically restrained, sometimes…

Such is the life of a person with

Bipolar Disorder.

Impatient, now I must go paint.